Why am I unhappy - a guide to

Living in alignment with oneself

Never in the history of the human race had we ever had access freely to the vast amount of knowledge made available to us today. At a time when every average school kid on the planet holds the entire knowledge of the universe within their pocket why are we riddled with sickness and why do we fail to achieve happiness?

We are not short of knowledge on the actions we should take for a better health, career or marriage. Then why do we repeatedly fail in doing what we know we should do. Even when the advice comes from our doctors, there seems to be no warning powerful enough, including the threat of death to kick some people into making change. Why are the small actions we know we should take look like unsurmountable mountains to many of us.

The C.V we should update. The call or appointment we’d have to make. The finance books and bills we should keep track of. The waking up early for that walk in the morning. The processed food we should be keeping out of our grocery carts. The ex whose social media we should keep out of. The excuses we make for not using that annual gym membership we already paid for. That conversation we avoid with our spouses. Saying “yes” when you mean “no”.

We all know what we should do to be healthy, successful and happy. We all know what we should stop doing that makes us miserable.

The excuses we make are endless “oh life is short”, “I have tried so many times and it didn’t work”, “Its genetic, runs in the family”, “In Shahala”, or blame it on God while you’re at it “Its all in the hands of God” as far as you know it was never the hand of God which put that donut inside your mouth, was it? Many of us refuse to take responsibility for our own doings. A life of dis-alignment with the self is a life falling into pieces. What do I mean by that?

Isn’t it funny how we find it easier to make extreme sacrifices and endure deep hardship for the ones we love? Our children, mothers, fathers and our partners. Some of us deprive ourselves of lifetimes of peace and happiness for the sake of someone we love unquestionably. Yet the hardship or sacrifices we are prepared to make for ourselves are negligible to say the least. Are you really the hero you believe you are by putting everybody else’s need first? After all isn’t that the virtuous thing to do? Or are you sabotaging your life into demise by doing so? The bible says “Thou shall love thy neighbor as thou love thyself” loving your neighbor as much as you love yourself goes with the presumption that in order to do that by default we ought to love ourselves to a reasonable degree. Then why do we so often fail to keep the promises we make to ourselves? Why do we allow ourselves to give up on the commitments we make to ourselves?

Taking that yoga class, having that one cup of coffee instead of five per day, learning that new skill, doing that morning meditation or starting that journal?

To believe that these would go without consequences is ludicrous. The brain is watching and recording. Should you bail out on your best friend on a trip you planned for months together you can bet you may be faced with some backlash. Or try miss her wedding day and let’s see how that plays out for you. Should you fail to make that call after your mother’s surgery in hospital, if not from her, I bet you may imagine being at the receiving end of some animosity from other members of the family.

Yet when it comes to both small and big things in our lives, we postpone that visit to the doctor we know we should have under the pretext that we do not have the time for this right now or better “let’s hope this pain goes away”.

Are we as exemplarily loyal to ourselves as we are to our loved ones? Are you your own best friend? Or your own saboteur? For all the singles out there and maybe the married ones too as a matter of fact here is a little insightful quiz:

Please chose between the 3 following options to each following scenarios:

Would you chose to:

Lay in bed with…
Get engaged to…
Or get as far away as possible from…

With the following individuals:

Someone who repeatedly fails to keep their promises
Someone who always puts everybody else needs including his/her own before yours
Someone who doesn’t stand up for you even when they know you are right
Someone who is a master at the art making excuses
Someone who never takes responsibility and blames others for his/her failure
Someone who has a clear understanding of right and wrong behavior but choses the wrong ones
Someone who constantly doesn’t have time for you
Someone who cares only about meeting other people’s expectations
Someone who has no issues lying and cheating on you repeatedly

If you have answered the quiz with a majority of option 3 choice, there you have your answer. We have all been guilty at some point or the other of treating ourselves with the above forms of dishonesty. Very wrong are we to believe these behavior would be void of consequences. Some of us like to think of this life as a game, some as a dance and others as a battle. I chose to see life as a fight made up of many smaller battles and a few big wars. The big wins are the wars which represent our life’s mile stone achievements, our highs, the things we chose to post on social media for all to admire and envy. But what everyone does not see are all the small battles that led to the big win a great example are our before and after weight loss pics. The change seems immediate. These battles, these small wins are crucial for the final outcome and on a personal level will make or break your self-worth and will power. These two are either increased or depleted by the accumulation of wins or losses. The science shows that both will power and self-worth can be measured in finite numbers. The research also proved that people who made sports and meditation part of their lives seemed to enjoy the highest levels of both. It is disturbingly simple. There is almost no differentiation for the brain in the quality relationship we maintain to others or to ourselves. The judgment values are equal. A life of dis-alignment with the self is like failing a friend or loved one. How can one expect to win any major war or achievement when they bail out on themselves on a daily basis? What are the chances of your success in life if you cannot trust yourself to commit to the small things you need to do? How would you feel laying in a bed or living your whole life with such a person?

Loving yourself is not a sin, it is how we were created by default so that we would be able to apply the same love to somebody else.

My reserves of will power were extended through training and exercise. I learned to fill my cup of self-value with the inner focus I found in meditation. With time I have come to appreciate and put on top of my priorities every small promise I made to myself. When I talk about a promise or commitment I refer to all these small things you know you should be doing. The accumulation of my small wins on a day to day basis has resulted in an Iron will power to be reckoned with. I trust in myself and I am confident in my ability to accomplish any commitment I set for myself. What a victorious feeling to live by.

The collection of a small win after the other has a compounding effect. It creates a flow setting one in a winning momentum. It is our human nature to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Or is it so? We often associate living in alignment with the self as something difficult. But it is no more than a mind perception. To transform our future into one that seeks reward in the accomplishment of difficult task is opening the door to levels of success and satisfaction never imagined before. So is my goal and it should be yours too.